Mirror mirror 

   I looked at my reflection in the mirror, my natural face was staring at me, my long natural lashes, my yellow pale complexion everything was all me.  

 This  was the first time I was going out since I had my precious imaan. I looked at myself hard, everything looked dull so I started to put on the makeup, first the foundation with little bit of powder. Half of my face was natural and the other was with makeup ,  

 I studied myself, who was I? , my face had flaws which I could only see sometimes I feel  like someone else which I can never recognise , I took a photo, I posed with a pout which was popular with all the teenagers but I looked like a girl with a duck pout..  

 . Was I really happy, with the way I dressed up, was this for myself or for the  culture where if no makeup or no proper fashion sense you was seen as a person who was outdated or in a depressive state. Was this really me?, I wore a red dress which was tight and my arms were sleeveless , all this was not me but an temporary fashion that I followed. 

  All the brand makeup I had, everything was applied on my full face..

 I saw myself in the reflection with my phoney  smile,and my imitation of someone else , I was ready to show the world, the dunya, myself and my beauty which was on display for everyone to see, I picked up my clutch bag and stopped to see myself in the mirror, once more before I went on my way to the party… 

 

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Death 

I yawned stretching my arms, I felt so tired. . I looked at imaan to see if she was awake, her beautiful eyes were closed and her body was all curled up like a hamster.  she was sleeping peacefully. I was so exhausted today, I needed to rest, I went to my bed, puffed my pillows and layed on the comfortable bed. I slowly closed my eyes…

My body was relaxed, and slowly and slowly my mind was blank. Suddenly I heard a voice near me “it’s time” he said.. It was strangely so close by.. My body started to shiver and shake, my hands and legs were so numb, the voice became so loud but the only words I could hear “it’s time” I looked around I knew it was late “No, not yet,” i cried as the situation dawned on me. But the angels had been dispatched to me and life was to be no more. “Please!” I screamed silently. 

 My tongue was the only thing that was alive, I screamed and felt like my whole body was leaving me, I felt so betrayed as all these years I wasted my money on food and on the cosmetics to make my body look great for this dunya, but my body was not mine anymore .. I cried and cried, I wasted my time on myself, I touched my face, I could feel the sweat on my forehead , my face, my hands my everything was not going to rescue me.  All those brands of makeup , my Lipsticks and my expensive perfumes were not going to speak behalf of me ” not yet please” slowly a shadow was coming towards me, slowly with a spear my flesh was pierced, my whole body was in pain, stabbing pain all over “aaaaghhh” I screamed so much but even my lungs did no good for me. I wasted so much time, going out with friends, watching silly television, all those wasted moments.. I started to read “laahiallah” but I quickly forgot what to say, indeed in the dunya I never prayed in my life.. What and whom was going to save me” my body was sweating and I was so much in pain , my heart was beating slowly.. I pleaded with the Angel but there was no point , his duty was to take my soul . I looked around and saw this white light , a white beautiful man..he’s eyes were so tired and his body was so frigile  “Please help me” I pleaded but the man spoke “I’m sorry but I am so weak myself, you never looked at me , or read my words, I was your Quran, your friend but I can not help you” I started to cry ” ya Allah help me” but it wasn’t enough anymore I was to leave this dunya .

 As the angel of death reached for her soul and her pulse slowed down, fatigue overriding every muscle, marium stirred in her sleep and her eyes suddenly flew open. She gasped for air and sat upright in fear as sweat trickled down her face. 

 “Oh my God,” she breathed. Her breath coming out pained and ragged. This was the third time she had this dream. This was her third message to get herself right. 

 Life. No-one is ever ready to depart. But some people are better equipped for what’s to come. For the journey is long and the provisions need to last. Last much longer than the grave, much longer than the Scales, much longer than the Sirat. Our legacy with Allah needs to last longer.. I just knew I had to get my self in better position with my creator .. I held my baby imaan tightly she was okay , I needed to change for better in sha Allah….

The Mother

Asalam alaykum my name is Marium. I am married to Adam, we are happy together  but unfortunately I had a emptiness, we were missing a beautiful angel in our life. I patiently waited, and waited, sometimes I saw mothers with their babies I just felt so overwhelmed and secretly cried praying to Allah swt for a beautiful gift of life. Every time I shut my eyes I dreamed of a beautiful child, all those sleepless nights of praying to Allah subhaan Allah waala Tallah I became eager to become a mother but one day I felt as if my energy levels was down, my body collapsed and I was rushed to the hospital , my husband was with me all the way… A doctor came with a smile “good news, don’t worry nothing serious but you are going to have a baby !! ” we  both looked at each other, I held my husbands hand tightly and gazed at him, with tears rolling over my cheeks, by Allah swt grace we were going to become parents!!, such a beautiful news..

  

 My husband and I were so excited for the bundle of joy to come to this world.i prayed for a beautiful daughter .. Everyday was different Sometimes I became very ill with back aces and swollen feet, sometimes I was off meat and chicken, the smell always put me off, eggs smelled like rotten maggots “ewww” but I always tried to have fruit and dates which had iron and vitamins.  

  

 Being healthy was the key, sometimes my energy was so high as I tried to eat healthy. I gave up chocolates and all those junk food as I wanted to become healthy for my baby .When the third month came , my scan showed a heart beat and a beautiful shape of my baby, My eyes widened as I jumped with excitement,  I hugged my husband tightly, and we both closed our eyes thanking Allah subhaan Allah Waala taala, we both looked at each other proudly, we both were officially mother and father to this little tiny pea..

  I was so active, in the last days of my pregnancy I cleaned and painted my house, scrubbed the floors and redone the new room  with new accessories for the new bundle of joy.  

  .suddenly I felt a stabbing pain on my lower back , “ouch” I gave a little sigh.. The pain became stronger and my lower stomach started to hurt.. I screamed in pain my contractions started. But they became so intense, they were only 15 minutes apart . Every little pain became stronger.. I felt as if someone was hammering my insides .Soo much pain ya Allah ya Allah , have mercy on me…… I was using a wall as my strength , breathing in and out with only Allah subhaan waala taala’s name. My pains became stronger and faster , everything was pulling downwards “”aaaaggggghhh”. My pains became unbearable one minute apart.. I was ready to go in to the hospital!!, after a long journey ,I became so tired but I was determinate to give birth naturally .. My pain relief was just to utter Allah subhaan waala taala’s name ..I wanted to push..  I pushed and screamed!! 

     

  I myself blanked out for few minutes, I opened my eyes to see this beautiful little tiny sweet baby on my chest, suddenly I became so emotional and overwhelmed with relief, I saw these small eyes on me, her beautiful warm skin touching mine, her tiny mouth in a pout, her small button nose sniffling away, her beautiful black hair soft as silk… Her mini fingers and hands gripped tightly with my fingers.. Her face was glowing like white snow..   

  She was a beautiful angel from the heaven.. My faith, my imaan noor was born… All that pain was gone, it was all a dream after I saw her ..Ya Allah swt I am soo greatful for this gift of life, this princess is my little faith, my little imaan.. 

  

  Welcome meri jaan my beautiful angel.. Welcome to this new world of hope and dreams …..  

  

A pure soul from inside my mothers womb

I was nothing, just a light feather, inside my mother’s womb. I was just this tiny little mouse cuddled up all warm and cosy, my heart pounding a heartbeat every time a movement was made.

I was send for a test in this Dunya, an innocent soul all ready to be judged for all the good and evil acts.  My birth, my destiny, my whole life was already written by the al mighty, the judge, the gracious and merciful. Death was my final destination where reality to see my creator was obtained but I was too attached to just see this new world that was just created just for me.

This warm place was so comfortable, I could hear my mothers heartbeat, every time she cried or when she smiled I could sense it all. Everything my mother ate I was given the same, we were both emotionally together.

I could see, I had these tiny hands and tiny feet. I stretched my legs sometimes ” ouch “ I could hear my mother in pain.

I was so happy to use my thump to suck for comfort…my eyes, beautiful eyes to see everything around me.. I was so happy to be inside my mother’s womb, the comfortable place, a protection from the real dunya that I was destined to be in, a place where everything was created, designed for everyone’s desires and selfish needs, I for one was just happy to be in my mother’s womb.

I could see, and touch and feel my mother’s pain, every time I kicked or punched her stomach… I could feel her scream or just a little sigh when I hurt her with physical wounds.. I could feel my mother becoming emotionally drained and sometimes happy when she felt me.

She was excited about my physical appearance, the scan that that was three months and the fifth month…she loved me unconditionally without expected anything from me. I was just this little thing, but for my mother I was everything, I was this attachment to her beautiful heart….

  One day I became so big, I needed to get out!!! This place became so small for me.  I could feel my mothers pain!! I was out, my eyes were closed, I cried for my mother…

  I was so cold, but when I was placed on my mothers chest I felt the warmth… I opened my eyes…  To see the most beautiful mother in the whole world….

Introduction 

Beautiful soul, an innocent soul was so precious to her creator that she was seen as this gift of life, playing around with other beautiful innocent Angels.

  In the heaven, she was seen as a loving and very active soul. But unfortunately, her time was up, she was to depart from her creator.

 It was her time to leave her Allah swt and her friends towards this dark and cold place which was called Dunya, an environment for human beings to test their desires. Allah subhaan waala taala wants to see how much we listen to him and if we choose the right path or the wrong path.                                             “On no soul does God place a burden greater than it can bear (in terms of material wealth or spiritual duty).” —2:286; 23:62.                  

Angel breathed this beautiful soul into the baby which was developing inside her mothers womb.
    She was already excited to move around this safe warm place……her destiny and life was written by her beautiful author Allah swt, everything was already destined but unfortunately for this innocent soul her struggles, desires pains were  only the beginning.

Allah swt

  My destiny and my whole life from beginning to the end is already written by our Greatest Creator .                                  He is Ar RAhim, Ar Rahman, Ar Mailk, The King of the heaven and the universe.  Our creator  Al Aziz, the mighty, Al Khaliq and the al mu’min the truth .                                    

                  We are nothing without ALLAH sub haan waala taala. We were created from nothing to beautiful human beings. Our hands, mouth, ears and feet were created to just obey one and only Allah swt. Our reason for being in this dunya is to be connected spiritually towards our creator.  Our focus should be to  remember the one and the only Al Wahaab the giver of life..                               

 our  Creater The Most gracious the Most compassion the most greatest ALlah swt. We are indeed nothing without him. He is al Wadud, the loving , al Hamid the praised one, al Majid The Glorious. He is indeed everything to us.. Our pure soul exists within us, craving for the love ,The unconditional love from our beautiful Allah swt. The truth is the Quran and also the heart towards him. He is Al Batin, The hidden one, Al Baqi the everlasting one .