My body began to adjust towards hunger and thirst. My mouth gave a smell which was due to no excess to food for nineteen hours but something changed within me, my soul was in peace as the spiritual side became stronger. Although there was no desire for anything, my mind was only turned on to the one and the only Allah subhaan waala taala.. My hands are doing zikar , my body is doing sijadah every hour.. I am wake in the night to worship our creator. My eyes are seeing pure things only, and my ears are only listening to good things.. This struggle is only for a month.. May Allah swt provide shelter and food to the poor Ameen..
Imaan was holding gifts for her parents while walking she bumped in to her father, she gave him a hug tightly before she began to walk to her journey home.
Imaan looked up at the sky where clouds began to change into dark grey, there was a sudden feeling of anxiety and sadness inside her, there were tears in her eyes as she felt strange . Iman started to think about the way her life began and how she changed her intention towards Islam..allhumdillah” her smile got even bigger as she walked straight to the lights where she stopped and faced the road..
Something caught her eye,as she looked over the road, two figures appeared, the faces became clear as imaan looked carefully her heart began to beat fast, her face was in shock as she saw Zoe And Dan standing there and were holding hands.
Zoe saw her with a smirk on her face, she leaned on Dan and wispered something which made them both laugh louder. Imaan could feel her face blush but she quickly put her hands on her face trying to cover herself from them. imaan glanced down and prayed to allah subhaan waala talla to make easier for her as she started to walk on the road.
Suddenly imaan was in the middle of the road , she turned her head slightly to see a lorry coming her way,the lights were flashing which made her eyes blurry, her hands were stretched as she screamed in horror “aaaaaggghhh” , everything was flashing before her eyes, her body was still but her mind was still alive.
She felt the pain all over her, the blood was coming out from her mouth but something gave her strength as she opened her eyes to see a familer face, a light was on his face, tears were flowing from this persons eyes, imaan looked on to see her father who picked her head up And put her on his lap, he started to read some words which were soothing her soul, imaan tried hard to listen , she looked up to see her father crying, but he was reciting carefully “beta read just read meri jaan”, he spoke, she was trying to read his lips, she repeated”laillahmuhammeddurrusoolallah”, there was sweat on her forehead as she kept reciting, suddenly her heart began to stop and slowly she started to close her eyes…
Imaan was in Zoe’s living room where her mother sat down crying her eyes out “I just wish my daughter comes back to me, I’m all alone”, she sobbed quietly while imaan reached her hand to hold her shoulder. “I’m so sorry I really don’t know what to say, auntie I had no idea that she left you”, imaan spoke looking down at her shoes…
“Zoe changed so much, over the weeks, she came home drunk and I even caught her red handed with drugs , that boyfriend of hers was the bad influence in her life, he took my precious gem away from me”, cried Zoe’s mother,
imaan felt so bad for her, she felt as if it was half her fault for Zoe’s behaviour “I am sorry auntie, I couldn’t do anything for you, but I will promise you that I will come and give you company, every afternoon”, imaan looked at Zoe’s mum, her little frigile hands, and her bony figure which were all because of lack of appetite and stress, she thought to herself how insensitive was Zoe for leaving her mother, and how many hearts she’s broken over a boy.
imaan looked at her phone, the screen was blank, but her mind began to play over the times she herself disrespected her mother and father, suddenly her stomach was in knots she just reliesed she also hurt her loved ones in different ways .
she closed her eyes and let out a big “sigh”, she hold her head down her lap, she felt sick to her stomach..she wispered “oh , I am the worst daughter”, imaan cried her tears were falling on her cheeks, she got up and gave her excuses, for once in her life she was going to make everything alright with her parents….
“Mum I’m back!”,imaan called out as she took her shoes off, she was tired after a long day at school. “Imaan come to the kitchen I really need to talk to you,”her mother spoke sternly. Imaans hands were on her head “not again, what could I have done today”, her mother was sitting on the stool with a letter, “young lady what have you been up to!!”,
the police came today asking questions about Zoe, who has not been coming home for a few weeks!”imaan just looked at her mother with a blank look “mum I don’t hang around with her anymore, so why did they come here , “beta how many times have I told you, not to hang around with that gori,but I know from my heart, that you are telling the truth, her mother send the police here, I knew they were the trouble makers!!, imaan looked at her mother in disbelief,”mum Zoe is missing , anything could have happened to her !!, I just can’t believe you sometimes” imaan threw her bag on the floor and ran upstairs , slamming the door behind her…Tears were flowing from her eyes, she let out all her frustration on her arms, her sharp nails were tearing in her skin , the pain was getting worse as the blood was oozing out but in imaans mind it was making her feel better .She shut her eyes and tried to imagined being far away from home, from everyone that knew her.. She wished to be invisible to the world…
Zoe was on her third bottle of the red wine but suddenly she got drunk,
she looked across the room where Dan and his friend were gambling away. Her body was shaking with energy, she got thinking about the way she left her home for her boyfriend Dan, she replayed in her mind the way she slapped her mother across the face, suddenly her anger got hold of her , She looked at the bottle and smashed it on the floor, she stood up and started to dance away as she wanted to stop thinking about the way she treated everyone .Dan and the guys were distracted by her moves, Zoe shouted across the room “who wants to dance with me”, she needed attention and this was the one way she could get it from Dan, who was smiling away and he got up to rock some moves.
Where am I??, spoke imaan laying on a hard surface, she felt cold and felt slimy things on her bare legs , she looked around this tiny room , everything was dark and gloomy, her head was in pain as she tried to get up but it was impossible, she suddenly shivered in horror as hissing noise was coming through her ears , it was becoming louder and louder, she tried to fight off the slimy worms , kicking and screaming !!, imaan suddenly reliesed that this was her new home, the underground, the big hole , the cold grave became her destination… Her face was cold in fear as the snake hissed at her, it was coming for her..
“aaaaagghhghhhh””!!!, imaan suddenly fell off her bed, it was just a dream but the feeling in her stomach wasn’t the same , her mouth was bitter and her eyes were red from the lack of asleep…Imaan got up and looked around as a sound was coming from outside, imaan opened the window and listened to the Azan “allahu akabar, allahu akabar”, her heart was beating very fast as the sound became familer ,her body and her mind became in peace, for the first time in her life she walked slowly towards the door and carefully opened it with her shaky hands, her spine was shivering but she walked to cleanse herself with the pure water as it was the time to speak to the one and only Allah subhaan waala taala…
“Oh my god!!, it truly was a beautiful date, flowers and chocolates , and guess what imaan!!”, I had the phone on the speaker while I was picking and squeezing my pimples, yuck!, come on Zoe what happened , tell me more so excited for you !!,”well” Zoe screamed so much through the phone “oh my we kissed !!!!
Aaaghhhhhhhhh , I grabbed the phone and screamed excitedly, “girly no way !!, I can’t believe it,you go girl !! , is it true that your noses bump when you lip lock ??, Zoe laughed ” no we didn’t ,it was so peerfect, I think I’ve found my prince !!”, imaan saw her door handle move, she quickly hid her phone under the bed , dad walked through her room , sternly his eyes were on imaan, “were you talking to someone?, beta?, imaan looked away and stared at the empty corner, “no papa, I was just revising for a exam”, her heart was beating so fast, she felt as if she was caught , but dad smiled and put his hand on her head “good, good I’m so proud of you , but try to get some sleep , we need 8 hours for good health and energise body” he turned away and closed the door behind him , imaan felt so guilty lying to her dad and mum, she felt her life was two ways, one being a perfect daughter and one being a great friend, she was so overwhelmed , imaan picked her phone up and spoke in a low voice, “I will see you in school girly, good night Zoe”….
Oh imaan I am sooo lucky I’ve found Dan , he is sooo cute”, Zoe was playing with her hair while imaan tried to listen about Dan “mr right guy”, shes never seen Zoe so happy, but she had a question for her ” girly you know I am glad you have found your love but isn’t he little bit older for you?, does he know your real age?, Zoe’s face was red and her eyes were steaming with anger, “what kind of question is that, he is mature and good looking, Dan knows I’m only 14 , we are in love”, imaan stopped herself from asking more, she knew there was no point in arguing, imaan just rolled her eyes and started to change the topic but it was too late Zoe quickly walked away angrily… Imaan was shocked to see her friend defending a guy she only met for 24 hours, “well” sighed imaan “this is the first”,she picked her school bag and walked home alone..
For the few months, Zoe and Dan were dating, everything about Zoe changed , she became self obsessed with her body, she started to smoke and drink, and she started to see less of imaan, who in the other hand tried to avoid the bad habits that Zoe got into..
” you know I hate that stuff , I see my papa smoke it!!” Imaan tried to defend her self but she was the only one who didn’t smoke, imaan gave in as the gang were laughing at her “oh okay let me try,” imaan put the cigeratte in her mouth, the taste was so bitter, and the smoke went inside her nose, “aaaghhh yuk!!! Disgusting smell”, imaan looked disgust and threw the cigeratte away, everyone looked at her and started to tease her.
But she had enough of the pressure and started to walk away from Zoe and Dan……”guys I’m going to the class , are you coming Zoe”, but Zoe just chuckled and put her hand on Dan, gave this innocent look towards imaan ” no Hun I’m going to stay with the guys and skip the lessons , soo boring !!, you go and learn, have fun goody too shoes!!”, she waved goodbye and turned to her new found friends , imaan was left with sadness in her eyes, for a long time, her bestfriend was lost and it seemed imaan could not do anything to get her back…I looked behind catching Zoe’s eyes for the last time, I just knew this was the end of our friendship…
Imaan and Zoe were the best friends from the childhood. They shared secrets and always were seen together laughing and playing pranks on everyone. But they both were quite different from each other , Zoe was bubbly and outgoing but imaan was a shy and a innocent soul. They both were like chalk and cheese but loved being together.
Zoe was frowning at the sight of her dress “maybe if it was a little bit shorter”, tucking her skirt in , looking towards imaan for approval , “it looks good on you, don’t worry about the length ” imaan whispered in a low tone , aware of Zoe’s mother whom had a habit of listening in.. Imaan walked up to Zoe and pulled the skirt , ” isn’t it too over revealing for a first date”, as imaan stared at the outfit, “no it looks sexy and anyway this is in nowadays. Zoe smiled while looking at the mirror, applying on the Loreal mascara, “I can’t wait to see Dan, he is sooo cute” cooed Zoe , “I just wish you were there, it would be sooo fun, I could even introduce you to the hunks, he’s got a few good looking friends”, Zoe stared across the room where iman was distracting herself with her diary ,
“ha ha, you know that I’ve got a cerfew before 8”, shrugged imaan, who started to write, ignoring Zoe’s comments, she thought to herself about her own lifestyle to Zoe’s , her parents were stricter no way would they let her wear something like that, imaan sighed and looked out the window while wondering about her life, “knock knock”, the door quickly opened “thud” , “hello girlys , my sweetpeas!!,” Zoe’s mother excitedly sped towards the table , “here are cookies and milk enjoy”, she quickly went away leaving the door wide open , letting in jack the beautiful cat…
who went towards Zoe’s feet cuddling around her legs letting out “purrrr”, Zoe shrieked “aaaaghhh, stupid cat!!, he startled me!!”, Zoe’s eyes were smudged “ha ha” laughed imaan who was already kneeling down to pat jack…picking him up fast as Zoe took out her brush and furiously threw it towards them , imaan was shocked as she ducked down to put jack on the bed, “phew, you girl need an anger management sessions.. Calm girly”, smiled imaan playing around with the cat.. .”buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz” imaans phone rang, “time to go , girly, tell me everything in the night will see you soon” Zoe walked towards imaan and gave her a big hug “yeah Hun will spill the gossip”, she rushed back to the mirror looking and Admiring her features while imaan quietly left the room.
Imaans hand were shaking as she opened the door quietly, there were low tone voices coming from the living room which began to get louder,”how many times have I told her not to hang around with that white girl, “fathers voice was loud and clear, Imaan thought to herself not again , it’s always the same thing, she slowly took her shoes off and rushed upstairs towards her room slamming the door behind her, awaking her parents to her awarness in the house. Slowly voices were hushed , and footsteps were closer to her room, She could hear mothers bangles making a sound while she was coming upstairs to see me.. Imaan pretended to be busy with her laptop, while the door opened slowly , “asalam alaykum imaan, how are you ?” Mum tried not to make eye contact as her tears were flowing , “beta how many times have I told you not to hang around with that gori, she’s a bad influence , I hear so many stories about her from your dad”, Imaan knew this was coming, but againshe became furious with anger ” mum it’s not your business, I’ll hang around with who I want, you guys don’t know anything , you just don’t care about what I want, She shouted back , as her mum was standing there shaking like a leaf ” mum please go away I’m busy with my homework”, Mums body looked so fragile as she walked away , she knew there was no point with the conversation as her daughter was too strong to break, Imaan stared at the blank laptop feeling guilty of being harsh on her mum. But she felt that her parents didn’t understand her much…
Sometimes I struggle with my mind , I try to held on to the positive memories but my mind does it all again , my body aches with pain as everything becomes dark inside me, sometimes I want to cry but my voice doesn’t make a sound, as my throat becomes dry with fright… I force my body to move around trying to be active, trying to adapt to this tiny room which is my home… No one can understand how I feel , I can’t explain the pain with the words, the struggle is there in plain site but no improvement is made … Yes medicine is what I have been given but it doesn’t help with the mind , just supports the body to relive the pain … I’m trying to be normal but sometimes it becomes unbearable. I can’t ask for help from the creation as they can’t understand what I’m going through .. I turn to my creator Allah subhaan waala taala who is my everything and my beautiful friend …. My mind becomes positive as the words of reciting the Quran dissolves in my ears, my body becomes warmer with comfort as Allah subhaan waala taala listens to my woes and cries, my tears become moist as I recite Ayat Kursi , my health becomes better as the purpose of this life is to worship Allah swt , and all those struggles are a test to be patience and to bear the burden till it eases with Allah subhaan waala taala’s mercy and grace …
Marium was becoming furious with imaan, as she began to run around calling everyone stupid, the language became worse over the days since iman began to go to nursery. “Timeout” I said to iman explaining to her about why she will be out on the stairs, “we don’t use that language young lady, listen to your mother when she’s speaking “, my hands were on her shoulders , my eyes piercing in to her , her cry became louder as i started to pull her towards the dark corner of the room, “sit here and think about the way you spoke to others, and apologise to them”, I left her alone in the room, quietly making my way towards the kitchen …